When I began to deconstruct my Christian faith I looked for other spiritual practices for guidance and grounding.
I remember coming across this Buddhist loving kindness meditation and finding it confronting.
May you be Well
May you be Happy
May you be Peaceful
May you be Loved
These sound so good, but Happy? Peaceful? Were these allowed?
Happiness as its own reward wasn’t something I felt comfortable with straight away, it felt selfish.
Peaceful was something I could only ever find in worship. Was it possible outside of that?
Even Well. In the prosperity-type faith that raised me, health and wellness were a byproduct of blessing and being favoured, which felt like we were getting something wrong when we were sick, so inviting wellness touched on that discomfort a little.
Loved, yes sure, I could accept loved, although it still felt like it had strings of belief and behaviour attached.
Which made me think, what have I spent decades believing about myself if I’m struggling with inviting these into my day?
And the instinct to counter my worthiness of these when there is so much suffering in the world is always present.
But I’m learning I’m better able to serve the world’s suffering when I am grounded and at ease.
Well | Happy | Peaceful | Loved are concepts I’m still easing into and practising.
I speak this meditation to myself while using Havening Touch.
I say this for the people I love much like a prayer.
I say it for my clients.
It’s a beautiful grounding exercise that makes me feel connected to others.
Reclaiming spiritual practices when we’re ready, can be a beautiful thing.
Clunky and awkward and with some mental and emotional awareness that comes to the surface for sure, but we are innately deserving of the ease they can bring.
These can be still, active, quiet or loud. They can also be called something entirely different if they’re too loaded for you. They’re yours to discover.
May you be well, happy, peaceful and loved.
If you’d like to connect with me in counselling, you can get in touch here.
Warmly,
Jane
You can find me on Instagram, Substack and at The Religious Trauma Collective.
