I was reminded recently of a beautiful piece of writing by one of my favourite poets, Padraig O’Tuama. The lovely, soft Irishman whose voice could bring calm into any breathless situation. You can listen to him here.
The piece is from his book, Finding a Home in the World.
Read these gorgeous words in the light of finding ways to be ok. Highlights are mine.
“What I do know is that it can help to find the words to tell the truth of where you are now. If you can find the courage to name “here”—especially in the place where you do not wish to be—it can help you be there. Instead of resenting another’s words of gladness or pain, it may be possible to hear it as simply another location. They are there and I am here. At another point, we will be in different locations, and everybody will pass by many locations in their life. The pain is only deepened when the location is resented or, even worse, unnamed. Hello to here.”
Can you name here?
Can you tell the truth of where you are now?
Especially, as Padraig says, if it’s a place you do not wish to be?
Can you settle into yourself and with a deep breath say, Hello to Here?’
Perhaps finding a home in the world is about acknowledging locations in this way. The older I get the more I realise the times I was experiencing joy others close to me were experiencing pain. And the times I was in grief others were weepy with gratitude and ease.
Dynamics change, we move locations. It all belongs. We are not alone in our heartache or our happiness. Each will pass until the opposite is true. And so it goes on.
I wonder if this is what is meant by the Buddhist concept of attachment. Of suffering being about getting too attached to anything. I have always resisted this notion as someone who gives her heart away easily to people, animals, places. But I guess knowing it will pass and come around again helps us get less stuck.
I spent a lot of time in church spaces that bypassed ‘here’. We were always “looking to heaven”, “just passing through”, going straight to triumph and overcoming. It felt like we weren’t allowed to just be sad, or even just slow and steady. We had to be “world changers” and “history makers” full of calling and destiny.
So many of us just wanted to be able to be ‘here’. Messy, imperfect, perhaps quiet, maybe clunky here.
Hello to here, until here, is, there.
If you’re struggling with the impact of religious trauma or high control religion, reach out. I see clients online Australia wide & in Marrickville in-person.
