Regret in life, and when reflecting on years spent in high-control faith spaces is very common. I hear it a lot.
Our culture says, ‘But hey, no regrets, it’s made me who I am’ and other bypass-y, minimising ways to avoid the pain of wishing things had been different. ‘No point in living in the past’ etc etc etc.
I’m 53 tomorrow. I have plenty of regrets.
I wish I hadn’t spent my formative years terrified of hell for example. I wish I’d had more fun, been less intense about saving the world and understood myself much earlier.
Regret is what happens as we wake up. As we realise we deserved better, should have been valued and loved better, could have chosen better or differently.
There’s grief in that awakening.
Wonderfully, we have time now to heal that grief and reshape how we want things to be.
Some identity questions:
🪞What matters to me when no one is telling me what to believe, think, feel?
🪞What brings me joy, purpose, or peace?
🪞What do I like, dislike, what energises and lights me up?
🪞How do I define morality outside of religious constructs?
Reconnecting with and rebuilding our identity helps us move through regret.
It’s a corrective experience to become who we needed then, and settle into ourselves more fully.
And, reconditioning our thinking around identity is a huge part of recovery from religious trauma.
I love working with people in counselling as they unearth and rebuild.
Reach out if this is you. If you’d like to make a counselling appointment online Australia & New Zealand wide / or in-person in Marrickville, you can book in here.
