Not a word I use lightly, triggered, is a state we’d rather not have to experience quite so regularly. Like landmines in a field we’re trying to cross to get to work or get through the day, triggers are sneaky.
Despite being the smallest part of an explosive device, when set off, triggers can be full bodied experiences and have an impact on our entire system.
Triggers are emotional and physical activations that can take us out and feel debilitating when our alert system senses danger. We know this of course, but still often find them hard to circumvent. We can’t out-think triggers.
We often minimise and mask our experiences, or play them down, especially when they are related to seemingly small things – why can’t I just get control of these reactions, what is wrong with me, will I ever feel “normal”?
Over time we may just think our reactivity is who we are and being regularly triggered is our whole personality now.
I experienced a full bodied trigger last week. It came out of nowhere but with support, eased when I could see what was happening and observe rather than judge it. I let it take its course and I rode it out.
These happen less and less now and I no longer fear them. I can have compassion for the parts of me that are scared, sitting up and hypervigilant, checking for danger. I’m grateful for the alert system of my brain and the way it works with my memory centre even with the tiniest shards of data. How incredible that this nervous system design can signal threat and through my senses and body systems, let me know something may not be right.
Triggers are uncomfortable but they are data. Like hashtags that point to more information: #religioustrauma #childhood #churchbullying #speakingupisunsafe
How do you experience a trigger?
Mine went like this.
I’d been in a space where I felt very vulnerable
Afterwards, I got an email that reminded me (tangentially – the thing is not usually about the thing) of a feeling from long ago, that was overwhelming in every way
My breathing became shallow and constricted
I started to shake
I became laser focussed
My heart rate increased
My thoughts started to spiral and rumination set in
Shame hit me with a heavy thud
My brain then went foggy
I couldn’t sleep.
How do you process a trigger?
This is what I did.
It took me while, but I was able to sit above and observe what was happening rather than being caught up in what was happening
I let myself shake
I used my breath intentionally, slowed it down, counted in for 4 and out for 6
I used Havening Touch movements very gently
I repeated to myself you’re safe, you’re ok, this is not that
I had a good cry
I connected with my therapist who said, of course you’re triggered, and framed it with language that separated the trigger from what was underneath it
I went for a walk, I removed as much stimulation (social media, noise, external input) as I could, I was quiet
I found ways to have power throughout my day. Took action, did some tasks, found regulating things to do with my hands, used my somatics, hugged my people.
It passed.
Without compassion it would have looked irrational – you’re a grown woman, you didn’t have to be in that vulnerable space, it was just an email – you’re overthinking it, don’t be so sensitive. We also can’t out-shame triggers or just try harder not to feel.
Triggers may seem overwhelming and like we have no control, but we have more than we think. It’s helpful to be able to let them come, show compassion and nurture and ask yourself what you need in the moment.
Self-kindness (and a few good go-to tools) is key.
If you’d like to connect with me in counselling, you can get in touch here.
Warmly,
Jane
