Codependence does not equal love. We’re often told that giving endlessly, putting others first, and denying our own needs is the highest form of love. Many faith communities call this selflessness, even holiness. But codependence isn’t love. Love allows both people to remain whole. It respects freedom, individuality, and difference.
What does creating a life that supports healing from complex trauma look like? Isn’t knowing ourselves and giving ourselves what we need selfish and indulgent? We may not be able to move off grid and quit our jobs but there are so many ways within our control that we can
Want to be part of a gentle experiment with me? Because I need it too, I’ve started offering a free Wednesday morning Havening and somatic meditation drop in, for 20mins. I feel the pull of the divisiveness and toxicity online just like you. I feel the anger and the grief
Shame is a gnarly little feeling. It’s slippery, insidious, and can be debilitating if left unchecked. I’ve written before about full-bodied shame spirals, the kind that seem to take over your whole nervous system. You know the ones: your chest tightens, your stomach drops, and suddenly you’re replaying old failures
When I began to deconstruct my Christian faith I looked for other spiritual practices for guidance and grounding. I remember coming across this Buddhist loving kindness meditation and finding it confronting. May you be WellMay you be HappyMay you be PeacefulMay you be Loved These sound so good, but Happy?
Almost a week ago I deleted the social media apps from my phone. It was getting hard to hear myself think and I needed to clear my head. And I find I’m daydreaming again, which is kind of lovely. Peace is our natural state. That doesn’t necessarily mean zen-like or even
This line, attributed to Persian Sufi poetry, gave me pause. How would you answer it? I love the impermanence of it, in this breath. It’s mindful and present. It suggests we don’t have to know the whole answer, just the thought for this moment.There is so much noise in the world right now. So much urgency and fear. The state of our heart seems like a trite or indulgent thing to attend to when there are “real” problems to be anxious about. For those who have been shaped by faith spaces that centred end times, Armageddon, or apocalyptic pressure, and I see so many in the counselling room, this can feel especially overwhelming.
I’ve been on a few podcasts over the past few years talking about the impact of religious trauma in the therapy room. The most recent conversation I had with Jaime Simpson was personal. It was about her story but also my experience of her story. The new podcast is called
This introductory course is designed to broaden your understanding of religious trauma, spiritual abuse and painful experiences in high-demand church or faith settings.
What I Wish my Therapist knew about Religious Trauma includes downloadable resources, eBook “The Sentimental Non-Believer. On Loving & Leaving God” as well as the stories of others with lived experience.
