Then on Sunday, I spent most of the cold, rainy day in bed with hot drinks and Sarah Wynn Williams’ memoir Careless People. Woah. I won’t spoil it for you but the story is so familiar to me.
A young New Zealand diplomat finds herself working for Facebook in the early days of social media.
She sees its potential to change the world and wants in.
She starts to see the dark institutional underbelly but stays to try and bring change from within.
She realises she can’t.
She leaves and is shamed.
She recovers and rebuilds.
It’s really well written, funny and engaging. But ooft. We’ve heard that story before haven’t we? So many of us see faith institutions as so full of possibility especially the bigger they get. We want to be part of that momentum and believe so deeply in the change that is possible. We genuinely want to be part of community and doing good in the world.
It can be so confusing and disorienting when we realise there is genuine exploitation and toxic power dynamics at play. When we see how a few at the top are benefiting from what is said publicly to be of benefit for all.
We start to have doubts and questions but want to stay and try and change it as an insider. We feel broken when we realise this isn’t possible. So many of us limp away devastated and feeling very alone, shamed and told we’re the problem. With the right support we recover and rebuild.
I’m so grateful to have had that support in the end after many years of trying to figure it out by myself. Reach out if you need that support. It’s not an easy journey.
Careless People has 5 stars from the Jane Kennedy Book Club. (Not a real thing, yet).
Another book that has 5 stars from me is Elise Heerde’s Holy Hell. I was honoured to write the foreword, here’s a snippet. “More and more people are telling their stories and having their experiences met with understanding nods and kind words. We’re realising how common and pervasive damage done in high-control faith spaces is and how exhausted so many of us are. We need permission to grieve years lost, permission to rest and recover from burnout and ways to heal that feel embodied and like real freedom.
Holy Hell. Saved So Hard I Needed Therapy grants that permission. I’ve seen Elise’s courage up close and know how costly her freedom has been. If I’d had these words and seen my experience reflected like this, as my world started to implode, I would have found with great relief, I had a trusted guide into the wilderness; that place we were always taught was dangerous and off limits. Turns out there’s warm blankets and a spot by the fire there with many, many others.
Elise’s story is uniquely hers, but so much of it is also mine and the story of hundreds of people I have listened to in the counselling room and among my friends and community. We ache for belonging, trade our authenticity for it as Gabor Mate says, and will agree to almost anything to keep it. Until we can’t any longer.”
If you’d like to connect with me in counselling, you can get in touch here.
Warmly,
Jane
