Codependence does not equal love.
We’re often told that giving endlessly, putting others first, and denying our own needs is the highest form of love. Many faith communities call this selflessness, even holiness. But codependence isn’t love.
Love allows both people to remain whole. It respects freedom, individuality, and difference. Codependence is love entangled with fear; the fear of rejection, punishment, or abandonment. It looks like constant people-pleasing, silencing your own voice, and measuring your worth by how useful you are.
If you grew up believing that abandoning yourself was noble, recovery may feel confusing. Choosing yourself may feel wrong at first. But real love doesn’t ask you to disappear. Real love makes space for your voice, your needs, and your presence.
You don’t have to erase yourself to be loved. Love that costs you your wholeness isn’t love.
And if you’d like to connect with me in counselling, you can get in touch here.
Warmly,
Jane
